The Unfathomable

Death has come and too soon it seems. I can almost not tap keys to recount unfathomable story. A sweet mama has lost. And I feel her pain.

Death in old age seems normal. Losing a parent is the order of life. But for a mama to lose precious child. To bury young girl. This it seems unorderly, unimaginable. Wrong.

The story is crushing to recount. I almost must wish it away as I lie in bed each night. Sweet mama and loving daddy have lost their youngest. Another set of parents have lost two children. They had put babes to bed, tucked and kissed and loved.

Dared not even think that before dawn their children would not breathe again.

Parents set about to do it all right. We buy the best carseat. We buckle babes in. We check for lead paint. We buy organic foods. We watch closely at the pool and in the tub. We look twice, three times before crossing busy street with child in hand.

But we can do it all right and it can still go wrong.

I sit still here.

It is quiet around me - beautiful daughter, sweet son nap. It feels safe. I am sure they are safe. I have set about to make it all safe just down the hallway.

But, it is a false feeling that I alone have created.

Though I have arranged these circumstances there are myriad of things around that could happen. Things I could dream up and things that would never cross my mind.

And it comes down to a word that can describe my whole being. A word that sums up the total of my daily sins. A word that makes self feel strong and important and powerful.

Control

n. the power to give orders or restrain something; a means of restraining or regulating; a check.

The false sense of control that I feel for my life, for my kids, for my husband. I have taken my life, patted it and molded it in to a little form that I believe I can control.

But I am not in control.

This life lesson for me will take a lifetime to learn. The world around, the stories around reveal what I know to be true. That in the end, I have very little control.

Daily life is teaching strong-willed daughter of God to defer to a Holy Father. To a loving father, to a precious parent that wants the best for me. To Him who has all the control.

And this story is a vivid reminder to me. I must hold loosely my family: my husband, my children. For I cannot control what will happen to them. Painful lesson to learn. Burning and searing my heart. To hold loosely the people that I love so much.

Giving up control requires that I realize that my family, too, could possibly be the center of such story. My heart could one day ache like this little mama's does and will for the remainder of her life. I am not exempt.

Father, today I will trust. I will not be afraid. I will not fear what is to come in my life. I will let go today so that you can assume control and work in my life all that you desire.

Isaiah 12:2 "Behold, GOD is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid: for the LORD JEHOVAH is my strength and my song; He also is become my salvation."

for full story: http://www.dailyastorian.info/main.asp?SectionID=2&SubSectionID=398&ArticleID=53271&TM=46101.93